Photo by IBJJF
As I prepare to compete at the IBJJF European Championships in Paris, France this week, I’ve had one word on my mind more than anything else – and the word isn’t win, it’s opportunity.
Of course, like every other athlete competing at this prestigious tournament, I would love nothing more than to add “IBJJF European champion” to my Instagram profile.
But the more I reflect on my chances of winning a major tournament, the more I become worried about the likelihood of losing.
I guess this is normal, to some extent. I mean, is it realistic to completely detach my ego from my identity as an athlete?
Ego and the Notion of Competition as an Evaluation
In a sense, competing is in fact an evaluation. The athlete prepares themself over a number of weeks or months, puts together a game plan, and attempts to execute the game plan on route to victory. The success of the game plan is directly linked to the individual’s success in competition.
So, in this sense, competing is very much an evaluation of one’s preparation, skill, and execution.
But, in my opinion, treating competition purely as an evaluation of an athlete’s worth can be quite dangerous. In reality, there are many great athletes who fail to execute under the bright lights, and that’s not necessarily representative of what they can do as an athlete.
The notion of evaluation, in this context, is deeply tied to ego and, unfortunately, self-worth. I believe this is where the problem lies.
Academia and Accomplishment: A Troubled Relationship
For me, at least, the relationships between evaluation and ego go back to my time as a student – especially my time in high school.
In school, doing poorly on a test has real consequences: receive low grades, become at risk of failing a class, or have certain opportunities denied because of performance.
At a certain point, the evaluation reaches an end-point. The semester ends, the school year ends, and high school ends – and all of those evaluations stick to you for the rest of your life.
This is definitely the case for some athletic endeavours too. Imagine the soccer team that gets relegated at the end of a season because of poor performance, or the athlete who gets cut from a team for not producing enough.
But the sport of jiu-jitsu/submission grappling is a bit different.
And it’s with gratitude, and a temporary detachment of ego from competition, that I’ve been able to reframe my competition experience as an opportunity.
Wins, Losses, and Self-Preservation
I didn’t train jiu-jitsu for 2 full years during the peak of the pandemic. And during that time, a number of factors had me uncertain about whether I’d ever return to the sport I love.
Getting back to training this past Spring – and back to competition this past Fall – reminded me of how lucky I am just to be practicing jiu-jitsu, let alone competing at local and international competitions.
But after a handful of losses upon my return to competition this Fall, I asked myself a tough question.
“After how many consecutive losses would I consider retiring from competition?”
I chewed on this question for a few weeks, and as the next competition approached, I began to put more and more pressure on myself to perform.
Then I realized the issue with this attitude of self-preservation. So, I reframed competition as an opportunity and realized how lucky I was just to get the chance to step onto the competition mats. How many of the students at the gym where I train have the time, money, and confidence to get to compete at major international tournaments?
More than that, I realized that nobody really seems to care about losses in this sport. For example, the legendary Romula Barral won gold at the IBJJF World Championships 5 times throughout his illustrious career. But did you know that he also lost in the IBJJF World Championship finals 6 times throughout his career at black belt?
Similarly, I remember seeing a post back in September about a Master’s competitor who, after a career spanning 20 years, finally won the Master’s World Championships. This athlete had competed at the World Championships 20 times before he took home a gold medal. What if he would have retired after his 19th World Championships?!
Gratitude and the Notion of Competition as an Opportunity
Now, winning is certainly fun, and it’s something towards which every competitor strives. I mean, if you didn’t want to win, you probably wouldn’t participate in competitions, right?
I can’t suppress my desire to win, and I don’t think I should have to.
What I do think I should do is strive to be in the moment, soaking up this experience as though my days as an athlete are numbered… because they are!
So, as I prepare to compete in the IBJJF European Championships in Paris this week, I’m focusing on practicing gratitude. In doing so, I see my entry into this competition as an opportunity to win, to grow as an athlete and as a person, and to bring back lessons for myself, my teammates, and my students.
Wins don’t define me as an athlete, and neither do losses. I’m lucky that I don’t need jiu-jitsu competition to pay my bills (and considering that winners of most major competitions get only a gold medal and a bouquet of flowers, this is a damned good thing!).
So, the pressure is off and a smile is on my face. What’s not to be happy about? I get to compete at a prestigious tournament where I get to show my jiu-jitsu and add one more awesome experience to my life-CV.
What’s better than that?!
