“At the end of the day, I just want to be happy.”
I’ve heard a lot of people say that their ultimate goal in life is happiness, but I haven’t heard many good, clear, comprehensive definitions of that golden word. Give the person who just told you their ideal state of being a piece of paper and see how well they can describe what being happy is.
My perception of the word happiness changed recently, and with it, my mood, demeanour, and overall energy changed too.
I started journaling before bed, and it allowed me to analyze and reflect on days where I felt generally unhappy – not unhappy because of any obvious circumstance like a stressful event or a conflict with a family member, just days where I felt meh for no apparent reason.
I realized that it was easier to identify when I had a bad day vs when I had a good day as if the causes of unhappiness were easier to detect than causes of happiness.
Reflecting on my day allowed me to see all that I did in writing, and analyzing my day allowed me to see what I did vs what I told myself I wanted to do.
Cognitive dissonance is a term in psychology that refers to inconsistencies between one’s beliefs, thoughts, or attitudes, and one’s decisions and behaviours. My journal pointed these out to me.
For example, how could I tell myself I wanted to be a writer if I wasn’t putting consistent time into writing each day? How could I value healthy eating if I was consuming fast-food on a weekly basis?
I ended up creating a list of daily activities that I knew I needed to do in order to prevent unhappy days, and it’s changed the way I approach life.
My Reflection List
1. Write Something
How can I say I want to be a writer if I am not writing each day? No specific amount, just consistently getting words down on paper (or into a word processor).
2. Teach Something
My background is in education, and I don’t feel at my best unless I’m teaching something related to sports or physical activity at least weekly. Even outside of class, I look to educate the people around me through writing articles or sharing new things I’ve learned with people close to me.
3. Exercise/BJJ
5 out of 7 days per week seems to work for me. Whether it be lifting weights or training Jiu-Jitsu, frequent vigorous exercise is a non-negotiable in my life.
4. Stretch/Mobility/Yoga
10-30 minutes per day, every day – my body lets me know if I’ve been lazy and skipped a session (and makes me pay for it). Foam roller, lacrosse ball, resistance bands, and a few efficient stretching positions and I’m all set.
5. Meditate
10-30 minutes per day, first thing in the morning while the coffee is brewing. I just try to focus on my breathing and allow thoughts to move through my mind without judgment.
6. Cook Something
I like to cook, and I like to eat clean – enough said.
7. Me-Time
Self-proclaimed introvert or not, I just enjoy a few hours of alone-time every day. Whether it’s during the morning, afternoon, or night – I need to make time to be with myself, to unplug from the constant stimuli of society, in order to have mental clarity and peace of mind.
8. People-Time
I am human after all, and quality time spent with loved ones is time well spent.
9. Environmental Maintenance
This ranges from being considerate of my effect on the environment (ie. pollution, waste disposal/recycling/composting, use of plastic) to keeping my room and desktop clean and organized.
10. Sleep
7-8 hours per night – never back-to-back nights below 7 hours (as much as I can help it – life does just happen sometimes).
The Stoic’s Locus of Control
The underlying theme that I noticed with my journaling and this reflection list was accountability.
My perception of happiness changed because all of a sudden I recognized that happiness was a choice, not a fate.
This realization came in part from listening to a string of Tim Ferris podcasts about Stoicism, where he discusses the benefits of living a life where you focus on what you can affect, and ignore the things that you cannot.
In psychology, locus of control refers to the degree to which individuals believe they have control over the outcomes of events experienced in their lives.
An internal locus of control means individuals associate their own actions with outcomes they experience, demonstrating responsibility and accountability.
An external locus of control means individuals associate actions from the outside world with outcomes they experience, deferring responsibility and accountability to others.
A stoic has an internal locus of control and spends his or her time and energy on the parts of life that they actually have power over.
This approach to living is incredibly empowering, and the shift in mindset alone can contribute to an increase in happiness.
Taking responsibility for one’s mood and claiming accountability for one’s thoughts and actions are essential parts of living a stoic life, and I am convinced that they are essential parts of living a happy life as well.
I like knowing that I’m in the driver’s seat when it comes to my mood and outlook on life because it means I can better steer my existence in the direction I’d like it to go.
Happiness can be a choice… if you want it to be.
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